Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
