Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
