I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
