im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
My vagina is officially offended.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
