I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
