Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
