We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
