just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
