I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
