White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
