shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
