I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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