the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
