see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
