I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
