Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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