I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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