I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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