Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
