I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
