i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
