Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
