There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
