What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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