But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
