I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
