It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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