I have demons in me.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
