i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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