I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
