i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
