Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
