I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
