he wants to bone in the snuggie
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
