found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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