also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
