no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
