I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
