Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
