I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
