I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
