Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
