Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
