I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
When did angry sex become our thing?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
