Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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