I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
