Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
