Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
he had hair everywhere except his balls
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