I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
