I wish my penis had an off switch
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
